energy star Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 I'm having a problem with one of my kids. She refuses to pay rent each week. When I was young, I paid my dad or I moved out. We bought her a car, we pay her car insurance, we buy all the food, and pay for all utilities. I ask for 20 bucks a week. This to her is far out of line. She has one bill, cell phone. She has a job, and has plenty of money in the bank but just thinks she should not have to pay anything at all. Being 21, I think the time has come. I want her to open her eyes and see whats out in the real world, hence, I thought this would be a good start. Is this outta line?
randynavarro Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 Give her one week to pack her things and move. In one week, you'll have the locks changed and things moved out of her room. Yeah, she'll hate you for a while, but it sounds like she needs to be forced out of the nest -- kind of like bald eagles.
sepefrio Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 I'm not the type to kick a kid out. Call me soft. But I would start or rather stop doing the little things to encourage it. Stop washing the cloths, stop helping or even cleaning her room. Change up your dinner times or go out a little more often. When you go shopping, don't get her favorite food item. Start making her independent while still at home. Don't "check in" with her. If you and the wife want to go out, just do it, no need to leave a note or let her know in advance. Hopefully she will think "well if I have to do everything for myself already I might as well do it at my own place"
homnspector Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 Originally posted by energy star We bought her a car, we pay her car insurance, we buy all the food, and pay for all utilities. I think I understand the problem..
Scottpat Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 Originally posted by energy star I'm having a problem with one of my kids. She refuses to pay rent each week. When I was young, I paid my dad or I moved out. We bought her a car, we pay her car insurance, we buy all the food, and pay for all utilities. I ask for 20 bucks a week. This to her is far out of line. She has one bill, cell phone. She has a job, and has plenty of money in the bank but just thinks she should not have to pay anything at all. Being 21, I think the time has come. I want her to open her eyes and see whats out in the real world, hence, I thought this would be a good start. Is this outta line? Every family and every child is different. How the child was raised has a great impact on them as a young adult. Too many parents are sparing the rod and spoiling the child in today's world. Listen to Dave Ramsey if you have not already done so. You might even call into his show for some honest advice. You will not want to hear what he has to say, but it will be the truth. We support our son at college. We pay for his rent, car insurance and cell phone. He works and pays for his food, gas for the car (car is paid for but it is mine) and anything else he wants to do. He knows if his grades dip below a 3.0 he will pay for his rent or move into a dorm. As long as he is at undergraduate school I will support him.
Terence McCann Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 ES This is a home inspector forum. You don't really know any of the folks here. We talk about issues concerning home inspections. Are you sure this is the right media to be airing your family problems? Perhaps a family counselor, parish priest or social service would be better? I wish you the best.
StevenT Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 I have two sons. Because of my domestic situation, they live with me every other week. I cherish every moment we are together. I decided when they were very young that my relationship with them was more important than anything else. I hope they live with me until they get married. If I had the right set up... like the Kennedy Compound, I would want them to live with me once they were married too. BUT... They help with the cooking, cleaning, jobs, etc. I have taught them to do things on their own. As far as me supporting them, well, they are still young (15 and 17), so long as they are in school I really don't mind. In today's economy, there is plenty they are missing, so they want to work. They love going on jobs with me and are better than most adults... truly! I would never "lock" them out. I like John's gentle way. Do you really care about the $20, or is it the principal? If you really wanna wake her up, stop paying the car insurance. Can she afford to pay it herself? Is she capable of being on her own? DID YOU PREPARE HER TO BE ON HER OWN? or, did you allow her to be a couch potato and you sudddenly decided you were tired of it?
energy star Posted January 16, 2009 Author Report Posted January 16, 2009 Originally posted by Terence McCann ES This is a home inspector forum. You don't really know any of the folks here. We talk about issues concerning home inspections. Are you sure this is the right media to be airing your family problems? Perhaps a family counselor, parish priest or social service would be better? I wish you the best. This section is an "Open" forum. I'm fine with it. I just wanted to see if I was off base asking for 20 bucks a week.
gtblum Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 My girlfriends 15 year old thinks she's Paris Hilton. Recently, I threatened to teach her how to churn butter and then drive her to the Adirondacks to marry her off to some nice young mountain boy if she did'nt straighten out.
inspector57 Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 20 bucks is way out of line![:-censore I wish my rent was only 20 bucks! She needs a dose of reality but I think you are starting way too late. At 21, unless she is a full time student she should be paying her own way. You might need to have a Cosby moment with her, you know with all the cash you are shelling out. It may take a kinder, gentler approach since it is obvious she is spoiled silly. No offense intended, just the way I see it. But then again, she might be the one who decides when you get sent to the old folks home....[:-weepn]
hausdok Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 I'd wean her off the dole and make a list. The list would be the things that I'm going to stop paying for. It would begin with the most expensive bill I was paying for her and continue with the next least expensive and so forth. I'd give her a two month warning that in 60 days I will no longer be paying for that first item, that 30 days after that I would no longer be paying for the next item and so forth. I'd tell her that when the list was completed that she'd be expected to pay me room and board at the prevailing local rate and I'd determine that rate by figuring out what it's costing to feed her a month, pricing what local boarding houses are getting and totaling the two. I'd tell her that once the room and board phase begins that the first time she was 5 days late with her room and board it would cost her an additional 10%; that the second time it would be 20% and that the third time I'd permanently raise the room and board rate by 25%. I'd tell her that the first time she was a month overdue she'd get a formal eviction notice and would have 30 days (or whatever is legal in your state) to vacate. I'd have her agree to it all in writing. If she refused, I'd give her 60 days notice to move out or she'd come home on the 61st day and find all of her belongings parked on the front lawn, new locks on the doors and my office would be enjoying it's newfound larger space in her recently-vacated room. I'd tell her that I'm doing it because I love her and need her to learn to become self-sufficient, 'cuz one never knows when something bad is going to happen and I won't be there for her anymore and I don't want her to turn into a welfare leach. No matter how she responded, I'd ensure that my wife and I were steadfast in our resolve to see it through and if she couldn't accept it and ended up hating us for it that was just the way it was going to be; she'd either come around someday or she wouldn't, but it was being done for her own good. ONE TEAM - ONE FIGHT!!! Mike
sepefrio Posted January 16, 2009 Report Posted January 16, 2009 Not tossing accusations or suggestions, but sparing the rod actually means only using it when needed not for everything. In a case like this, going from one extreme to the other is ludicrous and may cause hate and discontent. As for asking for $20, again I would not ask for anything. IMHO you need to avoid the path that can lead to hate. What happens is she doesn't pay? You throw her out? Do that and expect to be out of her life for a long time and then expect problems with the wife as she now blames you for your daughter not being around. Nothing is that simple. Everything you do has a consequence. As I stated earlier and I believe Mike posted similar, it would be better to ween her off and start making her independent. Yes it should have started long ago, but that is your fault not hers. Don't punish her for your mistake.
Erby Posted January 17, 2009 Report Posted January 17, 2009 When I was 17 my Daddy walked me out the door with a dinner plate. Dropped it on the ground (about 100 pieces) and told me I didn't live there anymore unless I was working and paying rent. BUT, he'd prepared me for it a long time before that letting me know it was coming and I'd better be ready for it and teaching me to be ready for it. I was ready, it was time, never lived at home again, but it made me grow up quick!
Gibsonguy Posted January 17, 2009 Report Posted January 17, 2009 Wow, lots of POV's here, Coming from being a father of 3 girls (all very young) I'd have to side with sepefrio on this one. Laying down the law and expecting her to fall in line after raising her to expect a certain level of "caretaking" could be a rift maker. Are you willing to butt heads for $20 a week? What if it's a stand-off? Do you really want to play chicken with your daughter? I feel that it's not about being right or wrong at this point. Are you justified to ask for rent? Possibly. Should she have already been taught to accept personal responsibility by the time she turned 21 ? Absolutely.
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