getting the word out

[Chad Fabry]

John, Walter is right. It still needs work.

Things like "write down" vs. write and "waiver" vs. waver jump off the page.

The content straddles the line between uncomfortable and uneasy.

[John Dirks Jr]

Thanks Chad. I see your point now. I'll drop "waiver" which should be "waver" anyway, and insert "drift".

I'll change the other sentence from:

I’ll write my findings down in plain English so that you can easily understand them.

To:

I'll write down my findings plain English so that you can easily understand them.

It's getting better with the help of you all. Thanks very much. If anyone else has suggestions, I'm all ears.

I hear that English is one of the more difficult languages to master. Is this true?

[Chad Fabry]

I'll write down my findings plain English so that you can easily understand them.

I'll document the issues in an easy to read report.

[John Dirks Jr]

Originally posted by Chad Fabry

I'll write down my findings plain English so that you can easily understand them.

I'll document the issues in an easy to read report.

That does sound better. [:-thumbu]

You see, who needs to pay for an editor in the modern world of the internet? I'll get this thing whittled down soon enough. I will say this. The message is the message and that's not changing. Suggestions on how to deliver it will always be considered.

[kurt]

Try not to sound like you're writing copy. It screws everything up.

[Jim Morrison]

Editors like to remind writers that they should "show" don't "tell". You're "telling" too much.

You really ought to spend some time boiling that copy down. Nobody is going to read it all.

Ask yourself this: Who is your audience? Brokers? Clients? Sellers? SWF's between the ages of 24-39? No web site will really speak to all of them. Once you figure that out...

What is your message? Boil it down. Then, boil it down again. Use the fewest words possible to get your message out, and break it up with a few photos.

[SonOfSwamp]

Originally posted by John Dirks Jr

Hire the editor for cryin' out loud. You're still serving up grammar, syntax, spelling and punctuation errors, in almost every paragraph.

It's a good way to get "nexted." Not a good way to fill a customer with confidence.

WJ

Walter, you are one tough cookie and I like that. I can't find any spelling errors in there. Can you point them out? As for syntax, could that be a matter of opinion or style? I'm just curious about your expert opinion. Of course, I suppose you've already given it by telling me to hire an editor.

Yessir. That's it. You're going to have to hire/bribe/cajole somebody into proofing your writing. Writing is not a strength for you. Love ya, John, but even your corrected sentences need correcting. You are spinning your wheels.

Sure, I could go over your text line by line and word by word, and fix the errors, but it would only help you once.

Google "syntax." You might find some opinions, but simply put, syntax just means putting the words in the right places. Writing for publication (which is what you're trying to do) requires precision. You do what a lot of folks do -- you stick words in where you think they're OK, but they're not. An 8th-grade English teacher would know better. Here's classic bad syntax: "I shot an elephant in my pajamas."

It's nothing personal. You're asking for guidance on your communication skills. I'm telling you that you'd be better off hiring a pro -- or a skilled amateur -- to fix your writing. DIY ain't working. If you woke up a genius writer tomorrow, you'd probably still come out ahead by paying somebody to fix your writing, while you do the things at which you excel.

Google "Sisyphus."

WJid="blue">

[sepefrio]

John, I add to the call for an editor. Again I went through these very same steps you are now not very long ago. You may indeed get this paragraph correct after multiple postings on these forums, but I assume your website has many more paragraphs of information too. How many pages is it? I'd bet you will find these same type of errors on those pages too.

The money spent on a good editor, is money saved. If not spent on an editor, you could very well find yourself spending it on aspirin as you continue to try and fix every little detail. Serious, just calculate the hours spent in this one part so far. Multiply that by your entire website. Wouldn't you rather be doing inspections or having fun?

[John Dirks Jr]

I don't mind whittling away at it piece by piece. Heck, I might learn something. If writing is an important part of an HI career, I need to learn as much as I can. I'm getting better. Maybe not at lightning speed, but nonetheless improving.

BTW, the message is not hard to understand. Presenting it in a way which everyone agrees with grammatically is probably not possible. I've tweaked it a half dozen times already. I'll tweak it a half dozen more.

[Chris Bernhardt]

John why do you feel you need to send the message in the first place?

Your sample report will be a clear message of who you serve.

Chris, Oregon

[John Dirks Jr]

Originally posted by Chris Bernhardt

John why do you feel you need to send the message in the first place?

Your sample report will be a clear message of who you serve.

Chris, Oregon

Far fewer people get to the sample report. I can see these facts in my hit counter utilities. I want to put it out there right up front where more people will see it. The ones who like the message are the ones I want to work for. I understand I could loose realtor referrals with this message. That's ok because I'm not necessarily seeking them anyway. I'll certainly accept them but I'm not asking.

[SonOfSwamp]

Originally posted by John Dirks Jr

I don't mind whittling away at it piece by piece. Heck, I might learn something. If writing is an important part of an HI career, I need to learn as much as I can. I'm getting better. Maybe not at lightning speed, but nonetheless improving.

BTW, the message is not hard to understand. Presenting it in a way which everyone agrees with grammatically is probably not possible. I've tweaked it a half dozen times already. I'll tweak it a half dozen more.

Now you're rationalizing. This talk of "agreement" and "opinion" is a waste of time and energy. You're making the same errors repeatedly. The rules of grammar, punctuation, etc. are firm, not really open to opinion. They were settled a long time ago. You don't get to re-invent them.

Sure, some people (including me) flaunt the rules. Just plain wreck 'em. Write fragments and such. That's part of the job description for people like the late Hunter Thompson (who invented the word "clayhead"), Dennis Miller, and Lewis Carroll. Breaking the rules isnt' a good path for an HI writing ad copy.

You have three options:

1. Continue to write at a sub-professional level.

2. Learn how to write all over again, starting at the grade-school/middle-school level (because that's where these lessons are taught).

3.Turn the writing job over to somebody who knows how to write well.

Go with #3. Really.

WJid="blue">

[John Dirks Jr]

If I can keep you engaged and responding Walter, then I can continue to read your writings. I think that reading your writings is helpful. I think I'm pointed in the right direction.

[SonOfSwamp]

Originally posted by John Dirks Jr

If I can keep you engaged and responding Walter, then I can continue to read your writings. I think that reading your writings is helpful. I think I'm pointed in the right direction.

If you want to go by me (which I don't recommend, because I break rules), do these two things:

1. Read my columns at www.nashvillescene.com Look for Helter Shelter. Or just Google "Walter Jowers" Remember, I own the copyrights.

2. Read and absorb every word of Kilpatrick's, The Writer's Art.

http://www.amazon.com/Writers-Art-James ... 205&sr=1-1

Keep in mind that it takes about 40 - 50 years to get good at writing, unless you're born (like Kilpatrick) with incredible natural talents and gifts.

WJid="blue">

[Brian G]

I think some of you fellas are over-cooking this. I don't see where it's bad at all. Of course it needs tweaking, hell you can find things to tweak if you read the same stuff over again every so often, but the message seems plenty clear enough to me.

A lot of this does have to do with style, and what any given person sees as "the right way". Nobody will read four short paragraphs? Why would they bother to look up websites if they had no intention of reading what's there? I have close to 30 pages on my site, with some far longer than four paragraphs, and some customers say they've read them all. I'm sure others don't, but if you angle everything for the shortest attention spans, don't you risk making a poor impression on the people at the other end of that scale? I have that many pages partly because I hate a website with little or no real content.

Your website should be a direct reflection of you; your personality, your style, your philosophy (IMHO). If doing that doesn't help you connect with potential clients, you may be in the wrong business.

Brian G.

In the End, You Have to Be You; Win, Lose, or Draw [:-alien]

[John Dirks Jr]

Originally posted by Brian G

I think some of you fellas are over-cooking this. I don't see where it's bad at all. Of course it needs tweaking, hell you can find things to tweak if you read the same stuff over again every so often, but the message seems plenty clear enough to me.

A lot of this does have to do with style, and what any given person sees as "the right way". Nobody will read four short paragraphs? Why would they bother to look up websites if they had no intention of reading what's there? I have close to 30 pages on my site, with some far longer than four paragraphs, and some customers say they've read them all. I'm sure others don't, but if you angle everything for the shortest attention spans, don't you risk making a poor impression on the people at the other end of that scale? I have that many pages partly because I hate a website with little or no real content.

Your website should be a direct reflection of you; your personality, your style, your philosophy (IMHO). If doing that doesn't help you connect with potential clients, you may be in the wrong business.

Brian G.

In the End, You Have to Be You; Win, Lose, or Draw [:-alien]

Yeah! What he said.

I've made a few more changes since I last posted an edited version on here. My Mom is valedictorian and my sister summa cum laude. I'm having them look it over as well. It's interesting how each person has a little something to contribute. I'm not gonna keep posting edited versions over and over. If ya wanna see the latest you'll have to visit my homepage.

[Chris Bernhardt]

The ones who like the message are the ones I want to work for. I understand I could loose realtor referrals with this message. That's ok because I'm not necessarily seeking them anyway. I'll certainly accept them but I'm not asking.

John, Mike O. set me straight on this a long time ago. I sense you see yourself working for the client as if you're some day laborer.

People don't seek out Bill K. cause they need someone to work for them. Someone to scour the house for them and make a list of the problems.

They seek Bill out because he is an authority and they want his advice. If they wanted a list, they could go hire some new guy to do that for them.

I think it's the wrong message to send. It shouldn't matter who ordered the inspection. You go out there and you do Johns inspection.

You write up whats wrong according to John and what to do about it without being influenced by anyone who will make money when the house is sold.

My advice is to jettison all this I work for you and only you crap because it will not be the perspective you will have in a few more years and with a few thousand inspections under your belt.

Chris, Oregon

[John Dirks Jr]

Again, I appreciate your opinions and advice. I'm gonna roll with it for now. If it doesn't work out for me, sometime in the future some of you can say, "see, I told you so"

[Jim Baird]

"2. Read and absorb every word of Kilpatrick's, The Writer's Art."...

Not to mention Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

[hausdok]

Originally posted by Jim Baird

"2. Read and absorb every word of Kilpatrick's, The Writer's Art."...

Not to mention Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

Or Bonnie Trenga's The Curious Case of the Misplaced Modifier. Heck, if you sign up for Bonnie's course, and really apply yourself (Not like lazy me) she'll probably get you straightened out in no time.

By the way, Bonnie is a professional copy editor, you might contact her to see if she'd be willing to look your site over and help you out for a fee instead of beating yourself up with this.

ONE TEAM - ONE FIGHT!!!

Mike

[SonOfSwamp]

Originally posted by hausdok

Originally posted by Jim Baird

"2. Read and absorb every word of Kilpatrick's, The Writer's Art."...

Not to mention Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

Or Bonnie Trenga's The Curious Case of the Misplaced Modifier. Heck, if you sign up for Bonnie's course, and really apply yourself (Not like lazy me) she'll probably get you straightened out in no time.

By the way, Bonnie is a professional copy editor, you might contact her to see if she'd be willing to look your site over and help you out for a fee instead of beating yourself up with this.

ONE TEAM - ONE FIGHT!!!

Mike

An excellent suggestion, brother Mike. And I'd bet it would ultimately be a money-maker for HIs who could use some editing help. A good website is valuable. A website full of errors is nothing but downside.

WJ

[Brian G]

I think that's a great suggestion. Bonnie's not only a professional editor, she's also familiar with our peculiar little world. I wonder if editing website content ever occurred to Bonnie as a sideline?

I'm in the process of moving my web hosting now (going with Dom). I'll be dropping, adding, and rewriting various pages as I go. I think I'll wait until I think I'm done, then call in Bonnie.

Brian G.

Beware Bonnie the Brutal [-crzwom][:-dev3]

[John Dirks Jr]

An idea is easy to live with but reality can be different. My idea was advanced to reality when I posted the message to my site. Only then was I able to see for myself how it would feel.

I am not really a negative person so the message didn't sink in comfortably. Yet again, I revamped the message to reflect a positive attitude which is more like me.

You can find your sweet spot by crossing the line then stepping back. This is how I characterize what I have done over the past few days.