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Brad Manor
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StevenT Member

StevenT

Posted
Posted

Hey Brad,

How's this?

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

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hausdok Advanced Member

hausdok

Posted
Posted

Hi,

Well, since Brad is Canadian, he might be able to relate to this joke. If you folks from down here don't understand it, just realize that it's a Canadian mainlander vs. a Newfoundlander thing.

A beautiful young lady with legs that start at her shoulders and a very short skirt was standing on a street corner in Ottawa waiting for the bus. By and by, the bus arrived and folks line up to get on. When the young lady got to the stairs and tried to step up onto the bus she realized that her skirt was too tight and she couldn't lift her leg that high. To give herself a little more leeway, she reached around behind her and pulled down the zipper at the top of her skirt just a little bit and tried again. The skirt was still too tight so unzipped her skirt a little more and tried again. Still nothing, so she tried again. Before she could try it a fourth time, a big strapping Newfy lad standing behind her in line picked her up under the armpits, walked up the steps of the bus with her, and set her down on the floor of the bus. She was livid and turned around to let the rude fellow have it: "How dare you put your hands on me sir!" to which the Newfy replied, "Well Lassy, I thought we was friends, eh, after ye'd pulled my fookin fly down tree times."

OT - OF!!!

M.

  • 2 weeks later...
Phillip Senior Member

Phillip

Posted
Posted

Well Brad I hope you are doing well.

The other day I was going over to an house that I had inspected to recheck some thinks.

At this old farm there was a sign that said make my mule laugh and get a $100.

There was a line folks out at the barn along with a mule so on my way back I stopped and seen what was going on.

I ask the owner what was going on and he said that the Vet had told hem that the mule needed to laugh or cry to get over some kind of sickness.

The owner said folks had been telling the mule jokes trying to get him to laugh and no one could get him to.

I ask the owner if I could try and he said OK.

I leaned over and told the mule something and the mule started laughing and rolling on the ground.[:-slaphap

The owner say well I never seen him do that. I'll give you another $100 if you can make him cry.[:-weepn]

So I took the mule around behind the barn and when we came back the mule was crying his eyes out.

The owner asked me as he gave me the money what did I do to get him to laugh and cry.

I said, to get him to laugh I told him mine was bigger than his.

To get him to cry I took him behind the barn and showed him it was. [;)]

Richard Moore Advanced Member

Richard Moore

Posted
Posted

Normally, I wouldn't join in this disgusting display of bad taste...but as Brad might need a grin or two...I find my arm twisted. [;)]

Twelve Priests:

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, a handsome young man; Andy.

Poor Andy. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Andy quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest and bent over to pick it up.

Then all the other bells started to ring.........

hausdok Advanced Member

hausdok

Posted
Posted

The joke isn't very funny to an adult - in fact, it's pretty lame. However, imagine, if you will, a clean faced 42-inch tall 7-year old boy in blue pants, white shirt, and tie earnestly telling it to a nun at a parochial school in 1958. Then imagine the consequences of that innocent telling and you'll understand why I'm such a warped individual today. [:-smile_g

A lady was supposed to have her baby but it was late.

She went to the doctor to find out why. He didn't know so he gave her some gold pills and told her to take one every 4 hours until the baby came.

She did but the baby still didn't arrive.

After a couple of weeks, she went back to the doctor. He checked her out and couldn't find anything wrong.

Finally the doctor had an idea; he lifted up the lady's dress and yelled, "Hey, Baby, what's taking you so long?"

A voice called back, "I'm staying right here. Heck, I've got a gold mine in here!" [:-slaphap

Ouch! ouch! ouch! whatdidIdo? whatdidIdo? Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!........... [:-bigeyes [:-cry] [:-scared] [:-weepn]

(Friggin frustrated penguin b*****s!) [:-dunce] [:-grumpy] [:-headach

ONE TEAM - ONE FIGHT!!!

Mike

Chad Fabry Advanced Member

Chad Fabry

Posted
Posted

I spoke with our boy this morning; he's bummin. According to Brad thare's a 5% chance for a leak at the re-connect site and he had one. He hasn't yet been able to eat or drink (three weeks). They're feeding him through a catheter that precludes the need for waste removal thus allowing the leak to heal completely.

Brad hopes that by the end of this week he'll be allowed to eat and will be sent home from hospital.

Brad's only 35 years old and he reckoned the odds of the series of events that have been his to bear at about one in several million.

Just 5 years ago he was a professional athlete climbing cliffs and sheer walls posing for paparazzi exemplifying the daredevil breed.

  • 2 weeks later...
ozofprev Member

ozofprev

Posted
Posted

If you haven't seen them:

Look online for Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon's video to Jimmy Kimmel.

Then see Jimmy Kimmel's response - you won't believe all the stars who show up in it.

Brian G Advanced Member

Brian G

Posted
Posted

Originally posted by ozofprev

Look online for Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon's video to Jimmy Kimmel.

Then see Jimmy Kimmel's response - you won't believe all the stars who show up in it.

Make sure there are no young kids or old fogies around first, but those are funny as hell. What you need to know going in is that Sarah is Kimmel's girlfriend, and Kimmel has a long running joke with Matt Damon about bumping him at the end of his show. The easily offended should just click away to elsewhere.....

http://www.glumbert.com/media/mattdamon

http://www.glumbert.com/media/benaffleck

Brian G.

Definitely Not Doing Matt Damon

hausdok Advanced Member

hausdok

Posted
Posted

OK,

It was pretty comical, but I guess, because I generally don't watch late-night TV, I'm missing something; was Silverman really cheating on Kimmel or did they announce afterward that the whole thing was just a put-on?

OT - OF!!!

M.

Bonnie Trenga Member

Bonnie Trenga

Posted
Posted

Hey, Brad. I just found this thread. I hope you're doing much better. I had my own bout of never-ending surgery in 1999, so I sympathize completely. I felt like doing a victory lap when I could eat a quarter of a tuna sandwich. I couldn't do that lap for a few months, but I did eventually.

Take care, Bonnie

Brian G Advanced Member

Brian G

Posted
Posted

Originally posted by hausdok

OK,

It was pretty comical, but I guess, because I generally don't watch late-night TV, I'm missing something; was Silverman really cheating on Kimmel or did they announce afterward that the whole thing was just a put-on?

I don't watch any of those shows either, but the background was explained to me. It's just a gag between a bunch of friends.

Gary, I'm sure you're right in many cases.

Brian G.

Ah, To Be Young, Rich, and Have Nothing Better to Do [:-mohawk]

ozofprev Member

ozofprev

Posted
Posted

Yes, Kimmel and Silverman really have been dating for a few years now. But the whole 'effing' thing is a joke that has really boosted their publicity. Josh Groban was the biggest surprise for me.

I don't watch the late shows (just SNL) but am a Matt Damon fan ever since Good Will Hunting.

  • 3 weeks later...
Brad Manor Member

Brad Manor

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for the laughs and kind wishes!! I just got home from the hospital a couple hours ago..... it's good to be home. What was supposed to be a 5-7 day stay turned into 6.5 weeks. Fortunately for the first five weeks I wasn't allowed to eat so I was spared the indignity of having to live on hospital food.

I saw when I logged in to TIJ that there are 429 active topics since I last logged in - I have some reading to do.........

-Brad

Jim Katen Advanced Member

Jim Katen

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Brad Manor

Thanks for the laughs and kind wishes!! I just got home from the hospital a couple hours ago..... it's good to be home. What was supposed to be a 5-7 day stay turned into 6.5 weeks. Fortunately for the first five weeks I wasn't allowed to eat so I was spared the indignity of having to live on hospital food.

I saw when I logged in to TIJ that there are 429 active topics since I last logged in - I have some reading to do.........

-Brad

Sounds like you've been to hell & back.

Welcome back.

- Jim Katen, Oregon

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