Web page intro

[sepefrio]

OK, I'm working on the wording for my web page and would love to get used and abused, erm I mean get some advice and opinions. First off, there is one part I don't like a lot but can't think of a better way to say it. Where I mention "Professionally trained and personally tutored by seasoned Home Inspectors," I think that it can be taken to mean I'm am an apprentice and can't do things on my own yet. What I'm after is pointing out that not only did I get training, but I spent time with some old salts who taught me a few things. I may come up with something myself after a few hours or a night to sleep on it, but here it is anyways. BTW, we all know how it is, we have to separate ourselves so please, no one be insulted by any perceived (or real) accusations.

Why Family Home Inspection llc

Plain and simple, because I’m a home owner too and I know how it is when you’re thinking of buying or selling a house. This isn't a big business with dozens of part-time inspectors whose main concern is the bottom line. I’m a Retired Navy veteran who wasn't satisfied by the home inspection on my own home almost 10 years ago and decided to do something about it. I have over 15 years of inspection and customer service experience. Professionally trained and personally tutored by seasoned Home Inspectors, it is my goal to treat every house as if it were for my family. With a 100% satisfaction guarantee, you will receive a fully detailed report with digital photos prepared for you on site if conditions permit. When you call for a quote, there aren’t any hidden charges. Digital photos, follow-up inspections up to one hour, walking the roof, crawling under the house (if safety and weather conditions permit) and travel are all part of the upfront price. Honesty, quality and integrity are my goals. Customer satisfaction and confidence in my service is the objective.

[John Dirks Jr]

As I am new to this gig as well, I cannot give any time tested advice, but I will say this. For an intro paragraph it may be a bit long.

Make it "short and sweet".

There will be plenty of places on your website that you can convey anything you want. The intro needs to be attractive as possible, in as few words as possible.

[Scottpat]

You have a few seconds to capture the persons eye and to get their attention. If not they are off to the next site.

Place verbiage like you have down the page or on in another page. I think I have a little too much on my first page, but it is balanced out with my big smiling head. I'm after the serious folks, if my big head does not scare them off I know they are looking for a good home inspector.[:-bigeyes

[SonOfSwamp]

The text is a little awkward in general. Pardon my saying so, but it sounds kinda Yoda.

Get somebody who writes and/or teaches English for a living to straighten it out. Any good 8th-grade English teacher ought to be able to do it.

To paraphrase my favorite writing teacher, JJ Kilpatrick: Your mission, as a writer, is to lead the reader down a path, and not cause the reader to stumble. Kinda like walking a cub scout troop through the woods...

WJ

[dbyers]

You have a good start. I agree that this paragraph typically goes in the "about inspector" tab if you have one, and could be edited down. You are pushing your honesty, integrity, I treat you like family value -perhaps a phrase along these lines could go in quotes on the home page.

I like the seasoned inspector training comment-you could put this in past tense to emphasize this was part of your original training efforts and you might use "John was" instead of "I". This is done, I think, to give a more professional objective look.

"Customer service quality integrity...", (at the end of your paragraph) this could be something your clients have always received from FHI, as opposed to what my goal is -which sounds more like a resume.

It's tough to write stuff about yourself. Someone told me to avoid being too modest in your marketing. Have fun.

[sepefrio]

I like the inputs, thanks so far. BTW, I sent it to another professional as Walter suggested and I can't believe I was so blind not to see the free resource. My mother was a teacher for over 30 years and is exactly the type of person I want to market too.

All in all, I've written a lot more and the site is growing. I think I'm just going to continue to write till I can't type anymore. Then I'll go back and delete or combine as needed.