Robert Jones Posted November 9, 2011 Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 Anyone have this beat? 1. What typical problems are found in homes in this area? 2. What inspections would you personally require as the buyer based on your own experience? Are there items you charge extra for when requested? 3. How long have you been licensed to inspect residential properties? 4. What is your construction background? 5. What other licenses do you presently hold? (Real Estate, trades, mold, termite?) 6. Do you carry Errors and Omission insurance for the properties you inspect? If so, how much and will you provide a certificate of insurance? 7. If you do not carry E & O insurance, how will you warrant and financially stand behind your inspection services? 8. What is the process should we have a claim against your inspection? 9. Have you ever had a complaint filed against you or been sued as a result of your inspection business and, if so, explain the circumstance(s) and how the matter(s) were resolved? 10. What is your policy if your inspection report fails to reveal a deficiency that subsequently is discovered after the property is purchased? 11. How many inspections do you typically conduct on an average day of inspecting and how lengthy is your report? 12. When will you furnish a sample written inspection report and what form will that report take? 13. Who do you represent in an inspection and how do you deal with people you don't represent who may object to your inspection findings? 14. Have you ever been requested by real estate licensees (agents), to limit or minimize your inspection findings and, if so, how did you respond to those requests? 15. What are you prohibited from inspecting or commenting on (by policy, licensing or regulation) in a typical home inspection? 16. Are you willing to provide a list of past customers who have used your inspection services? 17. Will you recommend that specific inspection "experts" be engaged in the event you feel that the possible condition of certain inspected items may be beyond your professional expertise? 18. Does your inspection cover electric tests for all voltages at the service box? How? 19. Does your inspection cover inspection of reachable copper pipes? 20. Does your inspection cover water pressure testing? 21. What gas pipe testing do you perform? 22. Will you be climbing to the roof and providing pictures? 23. What appliances will you be testing? How? 24. Will you perform grade testing? 25. Will you perform foundation tests? 26. Will you perform termite and other pest testing? 27. Will you inspect for Carbon Monoxide? 28. Will you test the Water quality? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Hockstein Posted November 9, 2011 Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 Suggested Response: 1. Will you please call someone else to do this inspection? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bain Posted November 9, 2011 Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 If you take that gig, I will personally fly to Washington and kick you square in the ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Raymond Posted November 9, 2011 Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 Wow! Five 'how much are you gonna be worth when I sue you?' questions in the top ten. 15. What are you prohibited from inspecting or commenting on (by policy, licensing or regulation) in a typical home inspection? Sorry, I'm specifically prohibited from discussing those items. Duh. 16. Are you willing to provide a list of past customers who have used your inspection services? I get this one a lot. I tell them that I respect my client's privacy and do not share their information with anyone. When they persist I ask them, "how would you fell about me when some weirdo knocks on your door at midnight to ask if you were satisfied with my services?" They usually get it then. You did tell this person to go pound salt, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Jones Posted November 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 Uh yes. I did not get very far on the questionnaire. I explained that he could always set up a geological engineer, structural engineer, licensed electrician, the local gas company etc.... I thought it was one of the funnier lists I have seen over the years. I get a mix of some of the questions, but some of those are just off the charts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chad Fabry Posted November 9, 2011 Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 1. What typical problems are found in homes in this area? They're owned by toothless paranoid schizophrenics 2. What inspections would you personally require as the buyer based on your own experience? Are there items you charge extra for when requested? Draperies are extremely important- I charge extra for draperies 3. How long have you been licensed to inspect residential properties? I doon need noo steenkin license 4. What is your construction background? I can erect at the drop of a hat... if you know what I mean 5. What other licenses do you presently hold? (Real Estate, trades, mold, termite?)Really, I f I told you, I'd have to kill you. For God's sake and yours, leave well enough alone. 6. Do you carry Errors and Omission insurance for the properties you inspect? If so, how much and will you provide a certificate of insurance? I carry the cover page, but it's expired. Sure, you can have a copy 7. If you do not carry E & O insurance, how will you warrant and financially stand behind your inspection services? If I screw up, I'll buy your crappy house and build you a new one free! 8. What is the process should we have a claim against your inspection? Arrive wearing naught but a negligee and have a big bottle of bourbon. That's step one. Step two is a tad more graphic 9. Have you ever had a complaint filed against you or been sued as a result of your inspection business and, if so, explain the circumstance(s) and how the matter(s) were resolved? Sure. I resolved it by telling the jerk to get in line. 10. What is your policy if your inspection report fails to reveal a deficiency that subsequently is discovered after the property is purchased? I apologize, then burp out the song "I'm sorry, so sorry, please accept my apology 11. How many inspections do you typically conduct on an average day of inspecting and how lengthy is your report? 30 is the answer to both parts of the question 12. When will you furnish a sample written inspection report and what form will that report take? Sure I'll provide a sample. Usually, the samples are in the form of Klingons 13. Who do you represent in an inspection and how do you deal with people you don't represent who may object to your inspection findings? I represent myself. I give the finger to those who disagree with me. I may (or may not) add a nyah, nyah, nyah 14. Have you ever been requested by real estate licensees (agents), to limit or minimize your inspection findings and, if so, how did you respond to those requests?They ask all the time. I respond by telling them to keep their money 15. What are you prohibited from inspecting or commenting on (by policy, licensing or regulation) in a typical home inspection? The licensing board frowns when I try to inspect the Gouda in the refrigerator. I'm prohibited from inspecting the rye bread because I'm gluten intolerant 16. Are you willing to provide a list of past customers who have used your inspection services? Everyone whose name begins with an a e i o or u in the white pages 17. Will you recommend that specific inspection "experts" be engaged in the event you feel that the possible condition of certain inspected items may be beyond your professional expertise? if that ever happens, sure 18. Does your inspection cover electric tests for all voltages at the service box? How? I lick your finger and then have you touch each screw 19. Does your inspection cover inspection of reachable copper pipes? yeas, but I'm very, very short 20. Does your inspection cover water pressure testing? I put a rubber band on the kitchen sprayer when no one is looking. Then I ask the realtor to get a glass of water for a sample. If she screams, the pressure is good. If she laughs, it's not. 21. What gas pipe testing do you perform? That's personal 22. Will you be climbing to the roof and providing pictures? Sure. There is one caveat though; I will not provide pictures from the roof or of the roof. That's extra 23. What appliances will you be testing? How? Anything that plugs in, I'll test. Verbally 24. Will you perform grade testing? I perform grading as a result of testing? 25. Will you perform foundation tests? I jump up and down in several spots 26. Will you perform termite and other pest testing? see appliance testing 27. Will you inspect for Carbon Monoxide? I bring my parrot to every inspection 28. Will you test the Water quality? The realtor usually does that during the pressure test Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Moore Posted November 9, 2011 Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 I don't think I'm going to answer my phone for the next couple of days! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Katen Posted November 9, 2011 Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 In my experience, the people who act like morons before the inspection are never the ones who make trouble later. It's the little mousy quiet ones you've got to look out for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Jones Posted November 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 Chad, you a makin me laugh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurt Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 That's funny.......although, I'd use a canary for CO. Some of the best jobs are the one's you don't do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Lozier Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 Geez Robert I'm envious all I ever get is how much do you charge? or will you match inspector Bubbas fee of $200.00? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chad Fabry Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 That's funny.......although, I'd use a canary for CO. Some of the best jobs are the one's you don't do. I knew it was wrong but I labored between parakeet and parrot. Canary wasn't even on my horizon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurt Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 mnenomic = "canary in a coal mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Manor Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 mnenomic = "canary in a coal mine" mneMoNic for spelling mnemonic = "the way it sounds but starts with m"......... Sorry, couldn't help it. [:-graduat -B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scottpat Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 Please share the email address, this could be fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurt Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 I need a mnemonic for mnemonic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausdok Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 Robert, If you referred that horses ass with teeth to me, I'm driving down there with a baseball bat and gonna take it out of your hide. ONE TEAM - ONE FIGHT!!! Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Kogel Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 That's funny.......although, I'd use a canary for CO. Some of the best jobs are the one's you don't do. I knew it was wrong but I labored between parakeet and parrot. Canary wasn't even on my horizon. I think my gas pipe sprang a leak reading that. I had to leave the room before I killed the parakeet. [] Robert, I'm sure you compiled an appropriate response, but I'm thinking along the lines of "Thanks for the inquiry. Please send me the correct answers to the questions, as I am too swamped with work these days to find good answers to all of them." Click to Enlarge 35.06 KB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Dirks Jr Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 Chad, [:-thumbu] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Jones Posted November 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 Mike, You're safe. I took pity on you with your bad back and all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausdok Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 Thank you, thank you, Death threat is withdrawn. ONE TEAM - ONE FIGHT!!! Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Morrison Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 Those questions look to me like they came from someone who was scared witless and just didn't know what to ask. If I wasn't feeling too snarky, I might have answered it with something along the lines of: "There's no way I can answer all of those questions in an email. Please call me to discuss your inspection." Then, I'd try to put them at ease on the phone. If you can make a paranoid buyer feel confidence in your skills, you've got a referral source for life. The extra work can often be worth it. Just sayin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Moore Posted November 11, 2011 Report Share Posted November 11, 2011 Those questions look to me like they came from someone who was scared witless and just didn't know what to ask. If I wasn't feeling too snarky, I might have answered it with something along the lines of: "There's no way I can answer all of those questions in an email. Please call me to discuss your inspection." Then, I'd try to put them at ease on the phone. If you can make a paranoid buyer feel confidence in your skills, you've got a referral source for life. The extra work can often be worth it. Just sayin. Maybe, possibly, perhaps, but is it really worth the risk, never mind the time? Just one of the questions 6, 7 or 8 would be enough for me to come down with a sudden nasty case of flu. And, no (Mike), I wouldn't be offering any referrals either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Katen Posted November 11, 2011 Report Share Posted November 11, 2011 Those questions look to me like they came from someone who was scared witless and just didn't know what to ask. If I wasn't feeling too snarky, I might have answered it with something along the lines of: "There's no way I can answer all of those questions in an email. Please call me to discuss your inspection." Then, I'd try to put them at ease on the phone. If you can make a paranoid buyer feel confidence in your skills, you've got a referral source for life. The extra work can often be worth it. Just sayin. Finally! One guy here who isn't a wuss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark P Posted November 11, 2011 Report Share Posted November 11, 2011 Recently I had a lady call for an appoitment and asked if I could bring proof of medical insurance and workmans comp. I answered "No". She said "so then we will be responable if you get hurt during the inspection", I answered "No - I'm not a jerk, if I get hurt it is my fault." She responded "OK, well we want to hire you anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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